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2009/11/6 Harry Carey announces the 1st Baseball gameThis is from Comedian Dan St Paul and he was a guest on the Bob and Tom show: Hello fans this is Harry Carey. Welcome to today's game between the Bethlehem Braves and the Jerusalem Giants.Kind of a sparse crowd today as a plague of locusts has made it tough to get out to the ballpark. You can hear the vendors though, "hey manna! get your manna! who wants bread from heaven!?! It's hot, it's fresh, it just fell hot manna here! Penance! penance! Our fathers! Hail Marys! Can't get absolution without an act of contrition! Who want's a rosary here! Water! water! wa....wine! Who want's wine now!" Peter looks to Jesus for the sign. Jesus gives him the sign. HOLY COW!!! Peter denies it!!! He gives it to him again and he denies it again! Once more! That's three times and Jesus is out to give Peter a sermon on the mound! Jesus, of course, the big hero of yesterday's game came up in the bottom of the 9th with the Braves down 3 to nothing and he hit a bases empty grand slam!!! Fans, we haven't had a miracle like that since we had fishes and loaves night! Back to live action! Lazarus up to the plate now! Here's the pitch! Oh no he's hit! He's hurt! He's down! HOLY COW!!! He's dead!! BUT WAIT A MINUTE!!! He get's back up! That's the sixth time this week. That kid can really take one for the team. Abraham up to the plate now. He's probably up here to sacrifice! The infield draws in for the patriarch and now theres some action in the Bethlehem bullpen. I can't quite make out the back of his robe... IT IS the big number 10 MOSES!!! He was just called up from the burning bush league! Already gaining a reputation for that lightning fast pick off move. Reminding those runners that, THOU SHALT NOT STEAL!!! Let's give it over to Steve Stone....Thank you Harry. Fans, you wanna be here this Tuesday night when the Braves meet the Calvary Cubs. It's gonna be Nabisco communion wafer day here at the ball park. All fans 33 and under get a free Eucharist signed by the savior himself. You know fans Nabisco communion wafers go down smooth. They won't stick to the roof of your mouth like those cheap imitation sacraments. Sure they cost a little more but when it comes to your eternal salvation, isn't it worth the extra buck in the collection plate? Remember fans, next time you rail for that body and blood ask for the host with the most, ask for Nabisco! *back to harry* - Thanks Steve. Here are some scores from around the league. A big upset, David one, Goliath nothing! That ends a long win streak for the big guy. Oh no Jobe is on the 15 day disabled list with a bad case of leprosy. Pulled a hamstring, PULLED IT RIGHT OFF!!! The Angels have sent Lucifer down! That's a shame! When that fellah was in his prime he could really throw some heat!!! His year earned run average has ballooned to a hefty 666!!! and here's a partial score, Sodom and Gomorrah still tied at 69!!! 2009/10/26 What is your bail? This is HILARIOUS! Just read the 'offense' and if you've done it, you owe that fine. Keep going until you've read each 'offense' and added up your total fine. Title your note 'My Bail is $........' You don't have to confess your answers, just the amount of your fine. Mine was $375  1) Smoked pot -- $10 2) Ever got drunk at work, or went to work while still drunk --$50 3) Cheated on your significant other -- $10 4) Been in love with two people or more at the same time -- $50 5) Said you love someone but didn't mean it -- $25 6) Went streaking -- $5 7) Went streaking in broad daylight -- $15 8) Kissed a co-worker-- $ 20 9) Kissed your boss --$50 10) Been arrested -- $5 11) Spent time in jail -- $15 12) Peed in the pool -- $0.50 13) Played spin the bottle -- $5 14) Done something you regret -- $20 15) Slept with your best friend >-- $20 16) Been in love with a stripper -- $20 17) Went skinny dipping -- $5 18) Been slapped-- $5 19) Slapped someone-- $5 20) Beat up someone -- $20 21) Been jumped -- $10 22) Ever had sex at church -- $25 23) Dated someone you met on My Space -- $25 24) Cheated on test -- $50 25) Vandalized something -- $20 26) Slept with someone in your parents' bed -- $100 27) Crossed dressed -- $10 28) Given money to stripper -- $25 29) Flirted with an officer to get out of a ticket-- $30 30) Been in love with a stripper -- $20 31) Kissed some one who's name you didn't know --$10 32) Hit on some one of the same sex while at work-- $15 33) Ever drive drunk -- $20 34) Used toys while having sex -- $30 35) Got drunk, passed out and don't remember the night before -- $20 36) Had sex in a pool -- $20 37) Masturbated -- $10 38) Cheated on your significant other with their relative or close friend --$20 39) Done oral -- $5 40) Got oral -- $5 41) Done / got oral in a car while it was moving-- $25 42) Woke up in the morning and did not know the person who was next to you-- $40 43) Stole something -- $10 44) Slept with someone who has been in jail -- $25 45) Made a dirty home video -- $15 46) Plan on making a dirty home video in the near future --$30 47) Had a threesome -- $50 48) Had sex in a public place-- $20 49) Been in the same room while someone was having sex -- $25 50) Stole something worth over more than a hundred dollars --$20 51) Had sex with someone 10 years older -- $20 52) Kissed a teacher while you were still a student--$25 53) Lied to your mate -- $5 54) Lied to your mate about the sex being good -- $25 2007/12/26 Disorder In The Court... These
are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things
people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now
published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while
these exchanges were actually taking place. __________________________________________________________________________ 2007/12/11 Politics; Heaven or Hell?Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you." "No problem, just let me in," says the politician. "Well, I'd like to but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in Hell and one in Heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity." "Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven," says the politician. "I'm sorry but we have our rules." And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to Hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a club and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him, everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, hug him, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster and caviar. Also present is the Devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that, before he realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a big hug and waves while the elevator rises. The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on Heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him. "Now it's time to visit Heaven." So 24 hours pass with the politician joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns. "Well then, you've spent a day in Hell and another in Heaven. Now choose your eternity." The politician reflects for a minute, then answers: "Well, I would never have said it, I mean Heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in Hell." So Saint Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to Hell. Now the doors of the elevator open and he is in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags. The Devil comes over to him and grins menacingly. "I don't understand," stammers the politician. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and club and we ate lobster and caviar and danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. The Devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning. Today you voted for us!" 2007/12/6 The AFLAC ScamWatch out for this scam. Police say that the gang usually is comprised of four members, one adult and three younger ones. The attached picture shows the gang in operation.
2007/11/12 Dear Dr. Phil,When I retired, I could hardly wait to spend time enjoying my favorite
pastime -- bass fishing. I got my own little fishing boat and tried to get my
wife to join me, but she just never liked fishing. Finally, one day at the Bait & Tackle Shop, I got to talking to Sam, the shop owner, who it turned out loves bass fishing as much as I do. We quickly became fishing buddies. As I said, the wife doesn't care about fishing. She not only refuses to join us, but she always complains that I spend too much time fishing. A few weeks ago, Sam and I had the best fishing trip ever. Not only did I catch the most beautiful bass you've ever seen, only a few minutes later Sam must have caught his twin brother! So I took a picture of Sam holding up the two nice bass that we caught and showed the picture to the wife hoping that maybe she'd get interested. Instead she says she doesn't want me to go fishing at all anymore! And she wants me to sell the boat! I think she just doesn't like to see me enjoying myself. What would you do? Tell the wife to forget it and continue my hobby or quit fishing and sell the boat as she insists? Thanks, Lloyd 2007/10/30 Be very careful when asking adviceA bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg so he writes to a costume company to explain his problem. A few days later, he received a parcel with the following note: Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate. Very truly yours, Axme Costume Co. The man thinks this is terrible because they have emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a letter of complaint. A week goes by and he receives another parcel and a note, which says: Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and, with your bald head, you will really look the part. Very truly yours, Axme Costume Co. Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head so again he writes the company another nasty letter of complaint. The next day he gets a small parcel and a note, which reads: Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a bottle of molasses and a bag of crushed nuts. Pour the molasses over your bald head, pat on crushed nuts, stick your wooden leg up your ass and go as a caramel apple. Very truly yours, Axme Costume Co.  Happy
Halloween 2007/10/27 Types of computer virusesAdam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out
of your Apple.
Airline virus: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore. Anita Hill virus: Lies dormant for ten years. Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back. AT&T virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting. The MCI virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus. Bill Clinton virus: This virus mutates from region to region and we're not exactly sure what it does. Bill Clinton virus: Promises to give equal time to all processes: 50% to poor, slow processes; 50% to middle-class processes, and 50% to rich ones. This virus protests your computer's involvement in other computer's affairs, even though it has been having one of its own for 12 years. Congressional Virus: Overdraws your computer. Congressional Virus: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem. Dan Quayle virus: Prevents your system from spawning any child processes without joining into a binary network. Dan Quayle virus: Simplye addse ane ee toe everye worde youe typee.. David Duke virus: Makes your screen go completely white. Elvis virus: Your computer gets fat, slow, and lazy and then self destructs, only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America. Federal bureaucrat virus: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which do practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of the computer. Freudian virus: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own motherboard. Gallup virus: Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error). George Bush virus: Doesn't do anything, but you can't get rid of it until November. Government economist virus: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine. Jerry Brown virus: Blanks your screen and begins flashing an 800 number. Madonna virus: If your computer gets this virus, lock up your dog! Mario Cuomo virus: It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run. Michael Jackson virus: Hard to identify because it is constantly altering its appearance. This virus won't harm your PC, but it will trash your car. New World Order virus: probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it. Nike virus: Just Does It! Ollie North virus: Turns your printer into a document shredder. Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back to 200MB. Pat Buchanan virus: Shifts all your output to the extreme right of your screen. Paul Revere virus: This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack---once if by LAN, twice if by C:. Paul Tsongas virus: Pops up on December 25 and says, "I'm not Santa Claus." PBS virus: Your PC stops every few minutes to ask for money. Politically correct virus: Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism". Richard Nixon virus: Also known as the "Tricky Dick Virus", you can wipe it out but it always makes a comeback. Right To Life virus: Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counselor about possible alternatives. Ross Perot virus: Activates every component in your system, just before the whole thing quits. Ted Kennedy virus: Crashes your computer but denies it ever happened. Ted Turner virus: Colorizes your monochrome monitor. Terry Randle virus: Prints "Oh no you don't" whenever you choose "Abort" from the "Abort, Retry, Fail" message. Texas virus: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file. UK Parliament virus: Splits the screen into two with a message in each half blaming other side for the state of the system. Warren Commission virus: Won't allow you to open your files for 75 years. Protect Your Computer! Irish Viagra An Irish woman of advancing years visited her physician to solicit his help in reviving her husband's flagging libido. "What about trying Viagra?" asks the doctor. "Not a chance," she said. "He won't even take an aspirin!" "Not to fret," replied the doctor. "Give him an Irish Viagra." "What's an Irish Viagra, Doctor?" "That's where you just drop the Viagra into his morning coffee. He won't even taste it," replied the doctor. "Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went." Not even a week had gone by before she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to the progress of the experiment. The poor dear exclaimed, "Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! T'was horrid,just too terrible, doc!" "Really? What happened?" asked the doctor. "Well, I did as you advised. I slipped the Viagra into his morning coffee and it took effect almost immediately. He jumped hisself straight up, with a twinkle in his eye and with his pants a-bulging proudly! With one swoop of his arm, he sent the cups and tablecloth a flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there, making wild, mad, passionate love to me right on the tabletop! T'was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!" "Why so terrible?" asked the doctor. "Do you mean to say the sex your husband gave you wasn't any good?" "Oh, no, no, no, doctor, the sex was fine indeed! T'was the best sex I've had in twenty-five years! But sure as I'm sittin' here before you, I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again!  How Many Dogs does it take to Screw in a Light Bulb? Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb? Border Collie: Just one. And I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code. Dachshund: I can't reach the stupid lamp! Toy Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry. Rottweiler: Go Ahead! Make me! Shi-tzu: Puh-leeze, dah-ling. Let the servants. . . . Lab: Oh, me, me!!! Pleeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Can I? Malamute: Let the Border collie do it.. You can feed me while he's busy. Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark. Doberman Pincher: While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on the couch. Mastiff: Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark. Hound Dog: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb. Irish Wolfhound: Can somebody else do it? I've got a hangover. Pointer: I see it, there it is, right there... Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?  Bar hopping Two buddies who liked to go bar hopping but were down on their luck. They only had two dollars between them but one of them said, "Don't worry, I've got a plan to get us free drinks". With their 2$ he bought a plain hot dog and threw away the bun and put the hot dog in his pocket. They went to an Irish bar and started drinking and ran a tab. After several drinks the guy with the hot dog in his pocket unzipped his pants and slid it out of his fly. He told his buddy to get down on his knees and suck on it. As soon as the bartender saw this he ran from around the bar and yelled "Get the hell outta here you darn queers". They ran out and went to another bar. They continued to do this for about six bars until one of them said, "I can't take much more of this, my knees are killing me". His buddy replied "You, what about me? I lost that darn hot dog in the second bar".  Lost @ Home Depot Two guys, one old and one young, are pushing their carts around Home Depot when they collide. The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going". The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate." The old guy says, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?" The young guy says, "Well, she is 24 yrs old, tall, with blonde hair, blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts, a halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?" The old guy says, "forget her--- let's just look for yours." Did you ever wonder?.......... 1. Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God? 2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor..... 3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. 4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? 5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. 6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. 7. What if there were no hypothetical questions? 8. If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? 9. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? 10. Is there another word for synonym? 11. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?" 12. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant? 13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages? 14. Would a fly without wings be called a walk? 15 Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? 16. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked? 17. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers? 18. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? 19. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines? 20. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs? 21. What was the best thing before sliced bread? 22. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people. 23. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra? 24. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? 25. How is it possible to have a civil war? 26. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too? 27. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry? 28. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? FBI agent applicant test For the final test, the FBI agent took the first male applicant to a large, metal door and handed him a gun. The agent said, "We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her!" The man said, "You can't be serious! I could never shoot my wife!" The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home." The second male applicant was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home." Finally, it was the female applicant's turn. She was given the same instructions-to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow. "This gun is loaded with blanks" she said. "I had to beat him to death with the chair."  MORAL: Women REALLY are MEAN! Don't mess with them (d) Girls Night Out (d) The other night she was invited out for a night with "the girls." she promised her husband that she would be home by midnight. Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, she headed for home. Just as she got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed three times. Quickly realizing her husband would probably wake up, she cuckooed another nine times. she was really proud of herself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed, three cuckoos plus nine cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT!) The next morning her husband asked her what time she got in, and she told him " Midnight." He didn't seem pissed off at all. Whew! Got Away with that one! Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock." When she asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, 'Oh. Shoot,' cuckooed four more times, cleared it's throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped Over the coffee table and farted." 2007/10/15 Weight Loss ProgramA guy calls a company and
orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program. The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me." Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs. as promised. He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me you can have me". Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape. Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program "Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program." "Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years." The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, your ass is mine." He lost 63 pounds that week.  2007/9/13 The Smiths & the PhotographerThe Smiths were unable to conceive children, and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, " I'm off. The man should be here soon." Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. " Good morning madam. I've come to . . . . ." " Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in. " Really ?" the photographer asked. " Well, good ! I've made a specialty of babies." " That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat." After a moment she asked, blushing, " Well, where do we start ?" " Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too. You can really spread out !" " Bathtub . . . living room floor ? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me." " Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time . . . but if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results." " My, my, that's a lot of . . . ." gasped Mrs. Smith. " Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure." " Don't I know it," Mrs. Smith muttered. The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures . . ." This was done on the top of a bus." " Oh my god ! !" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief. " And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with." " She was difficult ?" asked Mrs. Smith. " Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look." " Four and five deep ?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement. " Yes," the photographer said . . . "and for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling . . . I could hardly concentrate ! Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in." Mrs. Smith leaned forward. " You mean they actually chewed on your um equipment ?" " That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so that we can get to work." " Tripod ? ? ?" " Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold very long. Madam ? Madam ? . . . Good Lord . . . . she's fainted ! !" 2006/3/30 FACTS TO PONDER:
1. The number of physicians in the U.S. is 700,000.
2. Accidental deaths caused by Physicians per year are 120,000. 3. Accidental deaths per physician is 0.171. Statistics courtesy of U.S. Dept of Health Human Services. Now think about this: Guns: 1. The number of gun owners in the U.S. is 80,000,000. (Yes, that's 80 million..) 2. The number of accidental gun deaths per year, all age groups, is 1,500. 3. The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is .000188. Statistics courtesy of FBI So, statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners. Remember, "Guns don't kill people, doctors do." FACT: NOT EVERYONE HAS A GUN, BUT ALMOST EVERYONE HAS AT LEAST ONE DOCTOR. Please alert your friends to this alarming threat. We must ban doctors before this gets completely out of hand!!!!! Out of concern for the public at large, I withheld the statistics on lawyers for fear the shock would cause people to panic and seek medical attention |
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